Smiles - Easy Drive Forum

BMTS · 23-09-07, 02:50 AM

PARKING SPACE
Moshe is driving in Jerusalem. He is late for a meeting; he is looking for a parking place, and can't find one. In desperation, he turns towards heaven and says, "God, if you find me a parking place, I promise that I'll eat only kosher, respect Shaba’s, and all the holidays."
Miraculously, a place opens up just in front of him. He turns his face up to heaven and says, "Never mind, I just found one."

BMTS · 23-09-07, 02:56 AM

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it is a bad one. Both cars are very demolished, but amazingly, neither are hurt. They crawl out of their cars and the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I am a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There is nothing left but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." In addition, the priest said, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God. In addition, the rabbi said, “and looks at this. Here is another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break, surely, God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. Therefore, he handed the bottle to the priest. The priest said he agreed, took a few big swigs, and handed the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi took the bottle, did not drink at all, put the cap on, and handed it back to the priest. The priest asked, "aren't you going to have any?" In addition, the rabbi replied, "No...I think I'll just wait for the police."

BMTS · 23-09-07, 02:59 AM

There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a Microsoft Windows computer engineer. The car breaks down.
"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized, have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the mechanical engineer.
"Well", says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system."
"I thought it might be a grounding problem", says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead."
They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: "Well, what do you think?"
"Ummm - perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?"

BMTS · 23-09-07, 03:00 AM

One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York
One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston
One hand on wheel, one hand cradling cell in lap, brick on accelerator: California*
* with gun also in lap: L.A.
Both hands on top of wheel, one foot on brake, watching pedestrians cross against the light: San Francisco
One hand on the wheel, one hand drumming (with drum stick) on the dash board, Lap top on top of the Dashboard, left foot tapping, right foot on the accelerator, head bobbing from side to side: Silicon Valley, listening to KEZR
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in Boston.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy
Both hands praying to Gates, knee on wheel, cradling cell in lap, foot on brake, mind on Win95 GUI: Seattle
Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car: Colorado
One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving a gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado resident on spotting a car with New York plates.

23-09-07, 02:50 AM	#1
BMTS Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 55 My Mood:	Smiles PARKING SPACE Moshe is driving in Jerusalem. He is late for a meeting; he is looking for a parking place, and can't find one. In desperation, he turns towards heaven and says, "God, if you find me a parking place, I promise that I'll eat only kosher, respect Shaba’s, and all the holidays." Miraculously, a place opens up just in front of him. He turns his face up to heaven and says, "Never mind, I just found one."

23-09-07, 02:56 AM	#2
BMTS Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 55 My Mood:	The Accident A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it is a bad one. Both cars are very demolished, but amazingly, neither are hurt. They crawl out of their cars and the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I am a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There is nothing left but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." In addition, the priest said, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God. In addition, the rabbi said, “and looks at this. Here is another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break, surely, God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. Therefore, he handed the bottle to the priest. The priest said he agreed, took a few big swigs, and handed the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi took the bottle, did not drink at all, put the cap on, and handed it back to the priest. The priest asked, "aren't you going to have any?" In addition, the rabbi replied, "No...I think I'll just wait for the police."

23-09-07, 02:59 AM	#3
BMTS Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 55 My Mood:	Engineers There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a Microsoft Windows computer engineer. The car breaks down. "Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized, have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the mechanical engineer. "Well", says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system." "I thought it might be a grounding problem", says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead." They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: "Well, what do you think?" "Ummm - perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?"

23-09-07, 03:00 AM	#4
BMTS Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 55 My Mood:	How to tell where a driver is from One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston One hand on wheel, one hand cradling cell in lap, brick on accelerator: California* * with gun also in lap: L.A. Both hands on top of wheel, one foot on brake, watching pedestrians cross against the light: San Francisco One hand on the wheel, one hand drumming (with drum stick) on the dash board, Lap top on top of the Dashboard, left foot tapping, right foot on the accelerator, head bobbing from side to side: Silicon Valley, listening to KEZR Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in Boston. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy Both hands praying to Gates, knee on wheel, cradling cell in lap, foot on brake, mind on Win95 GUI: Seattle Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car: Colorado One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving a gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado resident on spotting a car with New York plates.

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